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CONTENTS
1. Global English School2. Mindboggle Language Showcase
3. Abroad at Home
4. Consolidation
5. Language Globalization - Behind the Scenes
6. Artificial Language Generator Software
7. Esperanto : 世 界语
7. Esperanto : 世界语
In
Mandarin Chinese, Esperanto is translated literally as "World
Language". That's
a pretty great job in the language
marketing world, a success on par with people calling all sodas "Coke"
or all tissues "Kleenex". I came to appreciate Esperanto as
a
linguist, but once I dug in, I found that most people nowadays hear
about it through science fiction. And why not? If
there
ever did come a time when every human on Earth spoke the same language,
it would be at least 500 years in the future. (November 22,
2509). Along similar lines, I wonder: which will come first
- all people speaking the same language, or all people being
the
same color? Language differences are all wrapped up in class
differences, which themselves are embarrassingly linked to racial
differences. But let's talk about class and money.
English
is not universal among all six billion people of the world, but it IS
universal among all of the privileged, educated, monied elite.
From the middle classes on down, it's hit-or-miss.
People
only have the time, money, or motivation to learn it half-way, and
they'll mix it with their native languages. Lower classes
don't
speak it. Underclasses have never heard of it. And
yet, I
digress. What about that picture of a UFO attacking the
world?
Well, that's my plan for making everyone speak the same
language.
If the entire planet came under attack from an outside
source,
humans would very quickly forget their differences and band
together in common defense. The military might be forced to
say 'OK,
OK! We've been sitting on a
secret, simple universal language for over a century, but you people
weren't ready for it. Now that we must all unite, we can
admit
that Esperanto has always been the answer. So let's stop
wasting
time. Everyone will be fluent in Esperanto within one month
of
mandatory government instruction. Ni
Ekkomencu lerni,
folks! Go! Go! Go!"
6. Artificial Language Generator Software
To set the mood, I'll recall a video I saw once about a science experiment. The purpose of the experiment was to recreate the conditions of the early Earth's atmosphere in hopes of generating life. Scientists filled a glass globe with methane and other gases, and shocked the mixture with fake lightning for a month. When the dust settled, there was indeed some residue in the glass that resembled RNA or proteins, some predecessor to genetic material.
Now, study enough languages, and you'll see that each one is just a specific setting on a grand control panel. On the control panel, there are dozens of knobs and sliding switches. One switch controls word order, another consonant frequency, another vowel quality, another prepositional phrases, verb tenses, negation, and so on.
In short, I want to create software that literally has an image of several dozen switches, each with a handful of settings. The user can set each one by hand, then press "GO", and the software will generate a language based on the selected criteria. Underneath the skin is numerous MySQL databases from which to draw the elements. Also, equations and algorithms will be selected appropriately to rearrange the raw elements of the database. I'd say, the software should immediately generate a full bank of about 5000 words to make the language functional. Of course, along with the vocabulary comes all the grammar rules of the language built in.
So what can you do? Set the controls, then you have a simple interface similar to Babelfish or Google Translate. Type in an English phrase, and it spits out a translation into the new artificial language. If asked, it could also show you the entire 5000 word lexicon.
Coming full circle, I would try to recreate the origin of English. Set the controls to the appropriate word order, average word lengths, vowel qualities, consonant frequencies, prepositions and articles handling, case endings, verb tense treatment, and see if the result is a parallel-universe version of English. Better yet, recreate French and German, and then merge the two.
Everything will be done with the IPA, so no interference from inadequate alphabets. That way, when the software generates a sentence, the user has the option of hearing the software speak it out loud.
You heard it here first, folks.
5. Language Globalization - Behind the Scenes
Usually when people mention globalization, they mean the tying together of local economies into one giant web of money. We have telemarketing labor in India serving American companies, Asian factories buying manufacturing equipment from Germany, the linking of EU currencies into the Euro, and coalition forces made of dozens of nations' soldiers occupying and restructuring Afghanistan.
How about language globalization? Sure, more people are exposed to more languages in 2009 than ever before. The vulnerable tribal stuff is dying off, and the big European and Asian ones are booming. That's all boring though. What's INTERESTING, for example, is when a language appears to remain stable on the outside, but has its guts rearranged on the inside!
I read a novel in German once, and realized at some point that I was reading translated English. The words were German, the grammar was technically correct for German, but the sentences were too easy to read. Sure enough, when I checked the copyright in the front, the book was originally British. Other times, I have read German literature that was so authentic and dense, I couldn't understand it, even though I recognized every word on the page. If a powerful person were so inclined, they could influence world newspapers to sync up the structures/styles of the major languages. That way, people could be tricked into thinking in similar ways, without ever knowingly taking the plunge into an obviously new language or new alphabet. If someone bothered to learn a foreign language in that future, it would seem very easy and perhaps pointless. There would be different words, but everything would feel very familiar. Once the idea was taken far enough, you could then start replacing the actual words one at a time, until the whole world spoke the exact same language.
Another thought is to sync up the actual phonetic sounds from all major world languages. Why do people from China speak English with an accent? Because the quality of Chinese vowels and consonants is different from their English counterparts. Their "ah" is different from our "ah". Their "r" is different from our "r". What if the entire world could be trained to continue speaking their unique languages, but with universal, pure phonetic sounds? A New Zealander could speak a perfectly accented Arabic sentence on the first try. His ideas might sound basic, stupid, and childish, but the words would sound perfectly natural.
4. Consolidation
Whatever movement you want to build, put all of the smaller forces in one place, and fuse them together. Bring different groups of experts together, and introduce them to beginners. Create a core of friendships among local native speakers, then invite learners to mingle. Many of the places where languages hide in St.Louis are less than obvious. The census website is a good place to get ideas, but the level of detail I want (names, addresses, and phone numbers) are never released. So, here is a list of ways to find native and/or fluent speakers of languages in St. Louis. We have abundant resources - let's pool them together!
Au Pair programs - German, other European languages
MLS Real Estate listings - includes a searchable list of Realtors who speak another language
University foreign language departments - mostly European languages, some Asian
Jewish Temples - Hebrew
Muslim Mosques - Arabic
Ethnic Restaurants - staff usually speaks that language
Whitepages.com - search for a common last name for a native speaker of whatever language
Translation/Interpreting agencies - they collect native speakers who work on a contract basis
Craigslist Services: Lessons - smattering of independent language tutors
Everywhere - English
East St. Louis (Illionois) near Cahokia Mounds - Spanish
South City near Casa Loma Ballroom - Spanish
South City into Affton - Bosnian
Craig Road at Olive in Creve Coeur - Russian
Olive east of 170 - Chinese, other Asian
Olive at Fee Fee - Korean
WashU and SLU campuses - Chinese, other Asian
Grand south of Arsenal - Vietnamese
Delmar Loop Starbucks - Ethiopian
I-44 and Kingshighway - Italian
Metrolink near WashU - Asian
Maryland Heights - Indian
3. Abroad at Home
School students (age 7-18) can participate in an exchange program in their own community. Children will pay money on a monthly basis to a host family who lives in the same city. The host family will be native speakers of the target language for that child. They will eat together in the host's home and practice speaking the language on evenings and weekends. Similar to a language camp concept, but the native speakers should out-number the learners to be effective.
Besides being more effective than a traditional classroom, this program carries another benefit: SOCIAL RELEVANCE. In my local school district, the overwhelming majority of language students choose Spanish. The only problem is, there are very few native Spanish speakers in the community to practice with. To make the lessons even more useless, the Spanish speakers generally occupy a lower socio-economic strata, so the chance for interaction with white, middle-class students is slim to none. In contrast, the school and community are rich with native Russian and Mandarin Chinese speakers, who participate in the same social arenas with English speaking students. My proposal: pull away from the traditional and locally irrelevant programs, and focus on teaching languages which will help integrate the community. Russian and Mandarin typically require more effort than Spanish, but local access to these languages will overcome the difference to actually make learning them easier. (Side note: I commend the Spanish teachers' recent endorsement of Skype to connect with native speakers in Europe and South America, but it is still no substitute for flesh-and-blood neighbors to chat with. )
2. Mindboggle Language Showcase
Languages are heavily wrapped up in racial stereotypes. I think part of the reason Americans have difficulty believing they can learn other languages, is because they so rarely see other Americans who have become fluent in those languages. Many people passively stick to silly ideas like "only slanty-eyed people can speak Asian languages", or "white people can't learn African click languages." To tear down these mental walls, I propose a gathering which showcases unexpected racial/language combinations. For example, Asian people speaking French, black people speaking Swedish, and white people conversing in Cantonese. Put them on a stage in front of a microphone, so the whole crowd sees that all people of all colors share the same mouth, teeth, and vocal cords, with equal linguistic capabilities. Pioneers on display will inspire others to follow in their example.
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1. Global English School
Outline for a global program to promote English.
100,000,000 students distributed over
100,000 branches
managed by
10,000 regional offices
overseen by
10 directing offices
which report to
1 corporate headquarters
Branch staff = 10
Regional office staff = 5
Directing office staff = 2 5
Corporate headquarters staff = 100
Total employees = 1,050,350
average annual gross per student = $2,000
total annual gross = $200,000,000,000
average annual employee salary = $20,000
total annual salaries = $21,007,000,000
annual net income (gross-salaries) = $178,993,000,000
start-up funding sources:
equity partners = private stock sales
debt = private lenders, bonds
public funding = government subsidies
