Postcard - Confessions

"This one is more cultural than it is linguistically…I reached a very confident level with Russian around my second month there, and always adhered to my personal ethos at the time of "no fear"—I always spoke what I was thinking, with careful reason, so as to improve my Russian. One night, around month four (my half way point), I was walking with my girl friend there. We were both hungry. Well, In America I always had a reputation for eating a ton of food. I was notorious for taking girls on dates and finishing their food (Chipotles was best for this). Well, as my girlfriend and I were walking to a café, I told her that I hope she didn't finish all her food as I would totally finish her plate for her. She immediately stopped and started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she simply replied "I will always give you my last piece of bread, no matter the situation. I will go hungry so you won't have too." I was like, Oh jeeze, "Kuda ya propal!?!?" "

"I was returning from Samara to Saratov on board a train coming from somewhere in Siberia. This train's ultimate destination was Baku. The overwhelming majority of travelers on board were booked straight through to Baku, Azerbaijan. Azeri people are ethnically and culturally different than the "White Russians" we normally think of. They look like Arabs (dark skin, black hair) and are Muslims. Well, I started talking to one of them. Naturally I was the first American he had ever met and before long the entire train was gathered around me for pictures and conversations (no kidding). Oh, there was also vodka (Muslims, right?) and a ton of food. They were very nice to me. Well, we started talking about our different cultures and religion (NO FEAR). Well, there is a Russian slur word "Chorniy" as well as a much harsher word "Chimchimgruzka". "Chorniy" literal means black but when used towards minorities from the Caucuses, it is insulting. If you called an African a "Niger'", then that would be perfectly acceptable but "Chorniy" would get you into a fight. Well, I got these words mixed up and said, for you all as "Chorniy" people…I realized my error and for whatever reason tried to correct myself but could only manage to say, I mean for you people, "Chimchimgruzka"…The train wagon went silent…I was scared shitless…I had just learned all kinds of Russian slang that weekend from my Girlfriend's brother, and now I was butchering it. Russian slang is another language that demands to be respected. In the end I only managed to piss of a few males and old women, but I learned to get my slang/vocab right."

"So I was in a Russian Banya during Russian Winter. My good friend Andrei and his former Army buddies were also steaming. Naturally we were all drinking. Anyways, men usually steam together and just shoot the shit with other. You don't have to steam completely naked, but you usually do. It gets so hot that you will want to be naked. So I was naked (NO FEAR), thank god it was hot. We finished steaming and cleaned and rinsed off. We headed backing inside (I was a guest at Andrei's house). The women then set off for the Banya to steam for themselves. Once the women left all the men straight up asked me, Will, has your penis been "obrezali"? Well, I didn't quite know this verb, but knew it's root "rezat'/rezali" and also knew the shady game that Russian prefixes play on verbs. I knew that "otrezat/otrezali" meant to cut off. So my first impression was, what the hell is this guy talking about? Has my dick been cut off? I immediately followed up with a concerned question to him (as to try and save my manhood, as masculinity in Russian cultural for males is HUGE). Well, in the end I figured out that "obrezat'/obrezali" meant to be circumcised/to cut around. We all got a good laugh out of that one. Russians generally do not "obrezat'" their male infants."


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	About Us Videos Quiz List Advice Column Confessions Urban Legends Keyword: Krazy Majors Worldview Gift Shop Services Beta Lab Contact	Confessions This is a place for every visitor to share their funniest, embarrassing, and tragic moments related to language learning and world travel. Email your story to info@postcardlanguage.com and it will be featured - with names, initials, or anonymous - you decide. I will try to update this section as often as possible, so check back often for new dirt. Also, if you write in with a story about doing something dangerously illegal, there is a chance it will not be published, but you should still send it in. Feb 14, 2009 " There were lots of Russian students at my high school, so I decided to learn Russian. However, there was no course offered, so I spent plenty of time bugging my friends how to say various phrases. One day, I was pestering a guy about how to translate some phrase, and he replied "Ne sprasheva!". When I asked him what that meant, he said again "NE SPRASHEVA!". It took me a while to figure out that "ne sprasheva" means "don't ask!". " - G. H. Feb 13, 2009 "A buddy of mine was involved with a local church effort to help resettle immigrants in the USA. I went along with him one afternoon so we could do some pro-bono Russian interpreting for an Uzbek family who had recently had some medical tests done. At this session, the social worker asked us to tell the family, "You tested positive for the bacteria, but it is dormant, so you have nothing to worry about." I took the initiative and said "U vas bakteria, no eto spit", literally "the bacteria is asleep". Unfortunately, the Russian word for "sleep" sounds exactly like the word for A.I.D.S. (SPID). At least one member of the family looked shocked until I realized my mistake. - G. H. Feb 11, 2009 "This one is more cultural than it is linguistically…I reached a very confident level with Russian around my second month there, and always adhered to my personal ethos at the time of "no fear"—I always spoke what I was thinking, with careful reason, so as to improve my Russian. One night, around month four (my half way point), I was walking with my girl friend there. We were both hungry. Well, In America I always had a reputation for eating a ton of food. I was notorious for taking girls on dates and finishing their food (Chipotles was best for this). Well, as my girlfriend and I were walking to a café, I told her that I hope she didn't finish all her food as I would totally finish her plate for her. She immediately stopped and started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she simply replied "I will always give you my last piece of bread, no matter the situation. I will go hungry so you won't have too." I was like, Oh jeeze, "Kuda ya propal!?!?" " -WmT "I was returning from Samara to Saratov on board a train coming from somewhere in Siberia. This train's ultimate destination was Baku. The overwhelming majority of travelers on board were booked straight through to Baku, Azerbaijan. Azeri people are ethnically and culturally different than the "White Russians" we normally think of. They look like Arabs (dark skin, black hair) and are Muslims. Well, I started talking to one of them. Naturally I was the first American he had ever met and before long the entire train was gathered around me for pictures and conversations (no kidding). Oh, there was also vodka (Muslims, right?) and a ton of food. They were very nice to me. Well, we started talking about our different cultures and religion (NO FEAR). Well, there is a Russian slur word "Chorniy" as well as a much harsher word "Chimchimgruzka". "Chorniy" literal means black but when used towards minorities from the Caucuses, it is insulting. If you called an African a "Niger'", then that would be perfectly acceptable but "Chorniy" would get you into a fight. Well, I got these words mixed up and said, for you all as "Chorniy" people…I realized my error and for whatever reason tried to correct myself but could only manage to say, I mean for you people, "Chimchimgruzka"…The train wagon went silent…I was scared shitless…I had just learned all kinds of Russian slang that weekend from my Girlfriend's brother, and now I was butchering it. Russian slang is another language that demands to be respected. In the end I only managed to piss of a few males and old women, but I learned to get my slang/vocab right." -WmT "So I was in a Russian Banya during Russian Winter. My good friend Andrei and his former Army buddies were also steaming. Naturally we were all drinking. Anyways, men usually steam together and just shoot the shit with other. You don't have to steam completely naked, but you usually do. It gets so hot that you will want to be naked. So I was naked (NO FEAR), thank god it was hot. We finished steaming and cleaned and rinsed off. We headed backing inside (I was a guest at Andrei's house). The women then set off for the Banya to steam for themselves. Once the women left all the men straight up asked me, Will, has your penis been "obrezali"? Well, I didn't quite know this verb, but knew it's root "rezat'/rezali" and also knew the shady game that Russian prefixes play on verbs. I knew that "otrezat/otrezali" meant to cut off. So my first impression was, what the hell is this guy talking about? Has my dick been cut off? I immediately followed up with a concerned question to him (as to try and save my manhood, as masculinity in Russian cultural for males is HUGE). Well, in the end I figured out that "obrezat'/obrezali" meant to be circumcised/to cut around. We all got a good laugh out of that one. Russians generally do not "obrezat'" their male infants." -WmT February 4, 2009 "My Japanese teacher, Takahiro Kumagai was traveling through Cambodia. He was still learning the Cambodian language which has some very unfortunate tonal isues. I don't remember the words exactly... something like ga or ka. But if you say it with one tone it means chicken... but if you say it another way it means sexual intercourse. So long story short... he asked the waitress for some sexual intercourse and rice and she slapped him...he said what. WHAT ! What did I say ?!" -David Kolmer "I was going to lunch with my current Thai Girl friend, Jeab, back when we were just getting to know each other. We would just go to lunch and talk about English / Thai words... A sort of language exchange. She knew a lot more than me because she had actually studied English in school. I had only lived in Thailand a few months. So she was kind of flirting with me. and she asked," do you think I'm beautiful?" "Saiwaii mai kah?" and I was like, "Yeah, you are beautiful." " Koon Sawaii krup" but I said it in an English tonation. "SAWII" ,with a rising tone, means beautiful... but if you use a low tone it means unfortunate or corrupt . So her face dropped and I started to wonder why she looked agitated. She then explained the whole thing to me. You just said that I am very bad !" -David Kolmer "I believe that the best way to learn a language is to sleep with it." -anonymous "I dated a woman from South Africa just to learn a few phrases in Afrikaans and hear her wild stories from back home. When she realized I wasn't interested in her as a person, just her language and stories, she stopped talking to me." -anonymous "During my last year in high school, I was the only student that had reached the top German level , so I took the course as an independent study. I remember spending that study hour eating pixie stix in the school lounge with a friend who was teaching me Hindi. Sometimes I hid under a stairwell. Other times I simply walked out the back door of the school and hung out in the woods. I still aced the course." -anonymous Got your own confessions? Email it to info@postcardlanguage.com - I will publish it anonymously or with names, please specify.